Welcome, dear reader, to a story your history teacher never told you. Long before pyramids, pizza, or TikTok, there was a small band of interplanetary tourists (who very much didn't intend to stay) stranded on a blue-and-green rock called Earth.

You might think of them as Martians, but that's a bit misleading: they were a highly opinionated, brilliantly inventive, and occasionally clumsy group who had to learn how to walk, talk, and blend in with the locals-humans. Or at least humans-in-progress.

This isn't a dry textbook about nuclear disasters, cataclysmic escapes, or cosmic mishaps. (Yes, those things happened, but we'll breeze past them-after all, trauma isn't funny, but awkward adaptation is.)

Instead, we're here for the laughs, the quirks, the hybrid evolution, and the peculiar personalities that gave rise to what we now call modern humans. How did Martians adapt to mud? Why did some pick up fire faster than others? And who exactly invented sarcasm: the Martians, the humans, or the unfortunate in-betweeners?

Buckle up. Things get messy, silly, and surprisingly enlightening.