THEY AIN'T GONNA GET ANY DEADER is a collection of humorous personal essays drawn from the author's high school, college, and young adult years. It offers vivid storytelling capturing the essence of coming of age in high school and college, as well as figuring out adulting.

Whether it is getting hired and fired from his first job at an amusement park, trying to navigate asking girls out, or making plans for his remains after death, Dorchak delivers these relatable stories with his typical humor, introspection, and a satisfying pageful of snark.